There’s this morning show on Radio One Fm 90, hosted by Mary Ann and Paul, if I’m not mistaken. *I always tend not to think that that’s two ladies; a Mary, an Ann and the one guy Paul. I happen to tune in most mornings on my my way to work. Today morning, it was a lady sharing about how her boyfriend of three years has a conviction that a man can’t be monogamous. Well not to delve deeper into the show, I picked one or two things though I might have dropped them along the way because I’m still puzzled.
See I’m at that age where sooner I’ll be or should be settling down, so for a guy in times where there’s all kinds of mutual flings here, casual flings there, unusual night stands everywhere, that Radio One issue had me so engrossed and a little bit conjecturing.
Why is finding a ‘soulmate’ or ‘true love’ so big a thing? Are humans actually designed to pair up for life? At what point do you conceive that this stranger is that one person I’m going to live for the rest of my life? The one person who is entirely mine, whom I won’t share with anyone else, friend or family. Is it biology and genetics, or culture and society? The debate rages on: studies come out and refute one another, books are written and reviewed, experts are cited and dismissed. Sometimes people feel the need to run to psychologists, biologists, and family and sexuality experts for answers. Some run to Witch-doctors and others to “Ssengas”.
Well, I believe Love and everything related is a natural, it’s a given. But back to Monogamy.
These are slippery terms. What does ‘meant to be’ mean? What about ‘monogamous’? I’ll assume they mean ‘evolved to be’ and ‘long-term sexually monogamous’ (as opposed to socially monogamous, for example). More like I won’t stick my leg in another woman’s skirt once the vows are exchanged than I won’t be a Hajji or have multiple side mates.
In that case, it’s clear that Homo sapiens did not evolve as a monogamous species. We are very unusual among mammals in our proclivity for a wide range of non-reproductive sexual practices. We have sex hundreds of times for every baby conceived, whereas most mammals sport a ratio closer to a dozen-to-one. We have sex when the female isn’t even ovulating—or with no female even involved! *Don’t drop the Soap. We even ingenuously come up with alien sexual practices. You know which ones. *All the heads, the deapthroats, the fistings, the tips and the pull outs.
That’s not typical of mammals. Our bodies, our fantasies, and the fact that we have so many strict regulations around sexual behavior all indicate the depth of our passion for novelty. And why shouldn’t we be attracted to novelty in our sexual lives, when we consider the same appetites to be indicative of intelligence when applied to music, travel, food, languages, art, etc.? I mean I love the sultry Meiko sound, the rough Irene Ntale voice, J.Cole’s flow. Why wouldn’t it be only natural that I’ll love Sandra’s pretty smile, Thandi’s Intellect and Shanice’s long legs?
Well, do I think we are monogamous? I don’t. As hard as it comes, vanishingly few of us restrict ourselves to a single sexual partner over a lifetime. It’s a choice we make over time that aggregates into a habit that regardless of the circumstances keeps us from the other grass, greener as it may look.
There’s no explanation for somethings, no logic and no derivations no permutations, just human behavior.
I could continue but I too hate long posts, if only I could write to be continued…