A friend the other day asked me, would you spank your kids or talk to them? Honestly I don’t know, till then.
I love kids with all my heart, and they love me too. Can’t wait to sire some. I feel my loins nod in approval.
My only prayer is I marry a woman who will be a mother, a wife and a best friend.

Ever been at a bus stop, and a baby, about one year old extends towards you, tries to escape her mum’s grasp and cries when stopped. That is a common to me. Not like I’m responsible for their dead cousins as someone once tweeted, but it always dazes me too. Well, babies are angels, they say, what they see in people, I’ll never know.

Spank or counsel, whic path do you see yourself taking? You tell me.

Growing up I was quite naughty, not naughty naughty, but just an independent adventurous soul. I would escape from home like a possessed ghost at the slightest itching, to go sight-seeing or playing with friends. And that ‘evil roving spirit’ had to be dealt with, exorcised.

And exorcised it was. I had a daily dose of Kiboko, five hot ones every night after supper. Mum was this woman, who couldn’t punish a child on an empty stomach. I’d love to emulate her rescheduling capabilities.
In the kitchen, she’d be conversing with you, sending you for a pan here, a spoon there, like her heart was scrubbed clean, like she isn’t keeping diabolical plans there.
On the dining table, she’d be smiling, all jolly and courteous and there you were, caught for a fool, thinking the good old lady had forgotten.

After cleaning the table, you’d walk majestically to bed, hoping she’d forgotten or worse justifying your earlier misdeeds, after all the Preacher’s daughter was there too. And pretty as she was her buttocks couldn’t have and didn’t have any hallmarks of the repugnant cane.

“Amanya ija hanu!” *Amanya come here
“Osibire nkahi? “Beitu mwanawe noyenda kuba omuhiri, lambila hati hati” *But you boy, you’re trying so hard to be a lumpen, lie down right now.
That was the moment of truth,yes it would be happening, again.

That’s where I would plead for forgiveness, promising never to do it again. And that’s where Mum would remind me that alas I should have thought about forgiving her too.
Looking for me that whole time in vain wasn’t soemthing she enjoyed. She had better hobbies.

I’d be psychollogically beat by then and morally defeated, that lieing down would be imminent.
The nature of execution would vary from her administering the ‘five cane dose’ seamlessly; to her holding me between her legs and giving me a flogging of my life, depending on my composure during the whole exercise.

I’d go to bed crying, but only from the inside. Crying out loud would guarantee you an extra prescription to keep you quiescent. A prescription my sore behind would squinch to on first thought.

Funny how in the morning; Mum and I would be the best of friends, cracking jokes, running errands and getting tipped for that. Till the evening when the cycle continued.
After fighting a wave of tempatation, off I would be again, to the nearest soccer field but first to the preacher’s daughter to compare buttocks.

I was really beat growing up till like primary six when i started showing abnormal maturity for a guy my age.
But I realised Kiboko, didnt change me, I looked into my heart and made a promise to myself to become the best son in the world. Maybe had my Bum not been subjected to torture, maybe had my parents engaged me, talked to me I’d have changed anyway.

But again, spare the rod, spoil the child. I guess that’s why African kids have no family issues, respect issues and generally those small issues white kids have. Like how do you get anxiety disorders or panic attacks, those were beat out of me by five years.


23 thoughts on “Parenting

  1. As rude as I would sound.
    I think Spanking is so Relevant, like the Bible even allowed it ( this verse was always repeated to me from my Mother)
    But SERIOUSLY if I couldn’t be spanked I would be in a very different path right now.
    And Alas I spank my young sister too ( Stop that face now I’m polite in reality πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

  2. My parents didn’t spank me(probably b’se I am the last born and they were much too old for that) but I think I’d prefer being spanked to the lectures I had to sit through!
    Meanwhile, as usual, very engaging post this one. I have laughed at you hihi

  3. I had enough spanking for me, my kids and their kids. enough to last three generations.

    1. LOL!!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!! Three generations!!!!! What kind of spanking was this? This is the most hilarious comment I have ever read! But hey Sorry about the spanks!

      1. I want to know how naughty Mylie was. Because I didn’t get that flogged.

        1. well you know kids, i was normal naughty. but i was still being flogged even at 17.

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  5. hahahaha…. I will use your words Eli, i love kids with all my heart and they love me… i guess that’s what makes spanking them so easy πŸ™‚ the relationship doesn’t change. but the personality of a child goes a long way, with my Nephew we talk, with my niece….. let’s just say actions speak to her more…

  6. Talk about spanking!!!…damn i got a lot of those hoho…

    1. We should start a support group.

  7. Ko you, escaping to “sight see” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    What’s funny is just yesterday I was thinking about writing something small about spanking…

    1. You can still write it you know. Unless it has something about spanking me for writing about spanking.

  8. My kids would never be spanked. I don’t believe in it. And anyone who promises to spank their unborn children freaks the hell out of me.

    1. But again, spare the rod, spoil the child. I guess that’s why African kids have no family issues, respect issues and generally those small issues white kids have. Like how do you get anxiety disorders or panic attacks, those were beat out of me by five years.

        1. I know, I also need to marry someone who’ll spank the naughtiness outta my kids. Or get a disciplinarian Uncle to help.

      1. I think growing up not being afraid of my mother and what her rod was capable of would have made us closer. I hate that I grew up scared of her and that I still am.

  9. Lol. You cracked me up on this one!. I had a great share of kiboko…My dad was that guy that would never spare the rod. I thought once I had my own, I would never spank them….I was wrong. I believe in spanking but most definitely with love and most definitely making sure I talk to my kids first that way they can understand where it’s coming from and why. Naturing their hearts is most important to me. Sometimes disciplining them may take asking them to have time out to think about their actions. My 5 year old drowns into tears when I talk to her heart to heart for her actions…And to me that is reaching her heart. Thank you brother πŸ’ž

    1. Forgive me, I’ve just seen this. Was off writing for sometime.

      You’re welcome.

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